


Memories

by theoxygendathaechanbreathes



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicide, chile i have school tmr i shall sleep, donghyuck's broken, i must have been really depressed when i wrote this-, im sorry, mark's trying to help, uhhh yeah
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:54:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26471479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theoxygendathaechanbreathes/pseuds/theoxygendathaechanbreathes
Summary: In which Donghyuck was broken, and Mark was just trying to fix him, but he was a little too late for that.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Kudos: 5





	Memories

**Author's Note:**

> ......................................................dont hate me for this.

Dear Mark Hyung,

I'm sorry that you have to read this letter. All I want you to know is that whatever happened was not because of you.

//

I ran out of the practice room in search of Donghyuck. We were practicing for the Cherry Bomb comeback when Donghyuck got yelled at by our choreographer for spacing out. He ran out of the room, and I was sent to go look for him.

I passed by the bathroom when I heard cries. I entered in to find Donghyuck on the floor, with his face buried in his knees crying. My heart broke at the scene. The past few days have been extremely tiring for all the members, but more so for Donghyuck. Along with trying to prepare for the comeback, he had to cope with all the hate he was receiving from petty "fans" because he wasn't giving his all in a performance.

"Hyuck, what's wrong? I hope you know that the choreographer didn't mean to say those harsh words to you. When people are angry, they act on an impulse," I said, in hopes of trying to comfort him.

"I know that but... These past couple of weeks have just been too much for me. I mean, do you know how it feels to find the people you think love you turn their backs on you and just start hating on you with no hesitation."

"I know. Hyuck, listen, if they have the time to do that, then they didn't love you. You're worth more than all of their lives combined, and if they can't see it, then they really need to go to the doctor's office."

Donghyuck cracked a smile on that and finally looked up to meet my eyes. His beautiful brown eyes were filled with tears, that were soon wiped away by my hands.

"Come on. Let's go back in there and ace that choreography," I said, extending my hand out to Donghyuck's. He took it and we left the bathroom with smiles on our face.

The only thought that occupied my mind at the moment was that he is beautiful.

//

I just had to end everything because... it was too much. I tried to be strong, but it led to this. I hope you know that I loved you, and no matter how far apart we are I will continue to love you.

//

One of our concerts just ended, and Haechan and I were exhausted. We both went to our hotel rooms, in hopes of just sleeping. Until our manager came around and told us that we had to film a vlive to talk about the day.

We started the live and waited for about 2 minutes for people to start piling in. Once we had a respectable amount of people watching us, we started to talk about how the day went. Haechan was talking about how, although he felt a little sick, he still tried to give his all, and appreciated the amount of support all our fans gave him. After the speech, we both went on our phones to read comments and give occasional shoutouts to ones that were heartwarming, or hilarious.

We proceeded to read comments until we passed bu a few that made our hearts stop. The only comments that appeared were hate comments directed towards Haechan.

Hyuckieee: Haechan, that is a sick excuse to give for your lack of talent. If you were born untalented, you should have just kept it to yourself, why'd you have to embarrass your members like that? Why did I ever stan you? Guess who's changing her name!!!

NCTLUV: Just get out of the group already, your an embarrassment. 

They were talking as if they knew everything about him, inside and out. They didn't know about the countless hours he spent trying to perfect a choreography. They didn't know about the numerous days in which he stayed at the studio until 5 a.m to record a song. They didn't know anything, but they were talking as if they did.

Haechan said that he had to go to use the bathroom. He said that, but I knew that he was actually going in there to cry. He was never comfortable with sharing his emotions. I should've known.

The only thought that occupied my mind at the moment was that he is beautiful, and I wondered why others couldn't see it.

//

As I'm writing this letter, I remember all the good times we've shared. There sure weren't that many. But the few that existed were amazing. Maybe I will regret doing all of this later on. But how will I, if I won't be able to feel anything?

//

Donghyuck and I were sitting in our beds watching Tom and Jerry, for old time's sake. I had our ice cream tub in my hands, and we were stuck to each other. As we were eating, Donghyuck dropped some ice cream on my lap. He started to apologize and went to go get a tissue to clean it up with.

I saw a note on his bedside desk, and picked it up, thinking that it would be of no importance. As I read through the contents of the note, my heart started to beat in my throat. The note was titled "Ways to Confess to Mark Hyung."

Donghyuck came back with a few tissues in his hand but stopped as he saw me reading the note. He rushed to my side and snatched the paper from my hands. He started to blush uncontrollably, while I just looked at him with a smile that screamed whipped.

"I-it's not what you thin-," he started before he was interrupted by me.

"Hyuck, what if I want it to be what I'm thinking?"

"What?"

"I like you."

"I-I like you too, Hyung."

"Now climb back in here and let's finish watching the episode. Kay?" I offered.

"Kay," he responded.

As we got back to cuddling each other, I felt Donghyuck's eyes on my side. I turned my head, and as I expected, Dongyuck was looking at me.

"What," I asked him.

"Nothing, you just have some ice cream on your lips."

"Really?" I said, trying to take it off.

"I'll help you," he said while leaning in closer to my lips.

He connected our lips and started to move his lips very cautiously against my own. I took the lead and pulled him even closer than before with my arms while deepening the kiss. For a first kiss, it was everything someone could ask for. We pulled away, out of breath, but with our heart's content, and the biggest smiles on our faces.

The only thought that occupied my mind at the moment was that he is beautiful.

//

Again, whatever happened was not your fault so don't blame yourself for it. Your endless attempts at trying to calm me down did work for a while, but I guess at some point I think I just felt too broken to feel anything. Especially love.

//

Haechan was crying while sitting on the bed. He read a couple of hate comments telling him to leave the group and to kill himself, and all he needed at the moment was me.

He called me in the middle of the night, and here we are, his body as close as possible with mine.

"It's all going to be all right. They'll soon realize how much of a gem you are, and how you're too good for this world. Don't worry," I said, while patting his hair gently

"No it's not, and you know that. It's never going to end until I make it end, and there's only one way to do that," Haechan said, his voice cracking.

"Don't say that. You just have to have hope. Focus on all the people that love you, not the people that don't."

"How can I focus on the people that love me, when I don't even know if they love me or not."

"They do. What about your members, me-"

"Just, can I sleep. Let's talk about this some other time," Haechan begged.

"Sure."

Even then, the only thought that occupied my mind at the moment was that he is beautiful.

//

Mark Hyung, I just want you to remember, that you are beautiful. You are all the good things in this world combined. That's you, Mark. You are the love of my life. After you get over this... situation, I hope you get to meet someone better than me, and someone that can actually care for you, and be there for you. Someone that can actually make you feel like your loved.

Sincerely Yours,

FullSun

//

I neatly folded the piece of paper into my back pocket after reading it for the hundredth time that week and proceeded to head outside.

I stood next to all the crying figures in black and just stared at the photo sitting on the grass in front of me.

While staring at that photo. the only thought that occupied my mind is that he was beautiful.

//

Dear FullSun,

If your reading this right now, then I have a feeling that your thinking that this is the stupidest idea I've ever had. I mean your already dead, so how could you read this.

I guess I just wanted to write this letter as a type of comfort, just so that I could know that I did in fact tell you how I feel.

It's been 3 years since your death, and our band is still going on fine. The members miss you so much, it's unbelievable. Recently we had an interview, and one of the questions asked what the worst moment of my life was. You wanna know what I answered? It was when I found you, hanging from the ceiling in our shared bedroom. I mean, I'm not lying.

I just want to let you know that I understand why you did what you did. But I wished that you would have hung on for a little while longer. It did get better. Cherry Bomb was a huge success in Korea and a few places overseas. I wish you were here to see it all.

Anyways, before I forget, I just want to wish you a very happy birthday. Thank you for all the amazing memories you left me with. I love you, and I will only love you for the rest of my life.

Forever Yours,

Lee Minhyung

**Author's Note:**

> still dont hate me for this-


End file.
